custardchuk vs martinburley

[custardchuk]

Give me a break. Have I woken up on a different planet? I'm going back to bed.

regards
custardchuk

[Arbiter]

Custardchuk, if you've woken up on a different planet, you're not alone.  Are you still interested in posting closing comments, or shall I put this thing to rest?

[custardchuk]

Well, I guess it all sounds possible. ...........but it all seems a little too simple and does nothing to explain my defeat in the final.

There is someone who can confirm or refute Sista's story. I'm going to hold until I hear Rosh explain this one.

regards
custardhuk

[Master Roshambollah]

Chuk, you know damn well that I can only confirm or refute that of which I am directly aware. 

As regards Sista's testimony, there is only one element I can confirm or refute; that regarding our shared genetic heritage.

I am shocked at the very allegation.  It is true, as has been suggested in this forum, that Jef's mom and I dated for a period of time.  However, we did not on any occasion "consummate" the relationship, in a fleshly manner.  I am a true Southern Gentleman, and Jef's mother is first and foremost a lady.  To suggest that she would ever, outside the bonds of holy matrimony, physically consummate an emotional relationship is truly beyond the pale.  I am offended on her behalf.  If ever such a thing were to happen, surely I would remember it.  (Well, except for that one night, when Jef's mom was serving up the Don Julio Reposado.  I woke up the next morning, surprisingly feeling no ill effects, but missing a good portion of my memory of the previous evening's events, along with an equally significant portion of my evening wear.  Who knows.)

Besides, I've only kept company with Jef's mom (dear lady) for no longer than six years.  Tell me, Sista, was there a grave accident involving a time machine and a faulty contraceptive?

Arbiter, take us home.  I think your work here is done, and I gravely regret even bringing you into this.  My fondest wish is for you to pass judgement, not just on the paltry parties of chuk and martin, but upon us all, jointly and severally.  Martin, chuk, Sista, Urbanus, Stu, myself, the WRPSS, and others; all demand atonement for our evil actions.

But, do what you will.  That's why I requested your involvement in the first place.

Great seeing you around again and enjoying, even if briefly, a hint of your creative intelligence.  I still have all our email from the "Circle of Five" business, and plan on publishing it someday in my "Master Roshambollah: A Life in Letters" anthology.  It is to my eternal regret that the one time we could have relaxed and enjoyed each other's company, I was too busy working.  I'm sure you can relate.

Give my love to Raven.

Your pal,

Rosh

[ScissorSista]

OK I admit it. I lied my little tush off on that last post.

Why? As I figure it (no offence to your mediation skills intended here Arbiter), there's Martin protesting innocence on one side, 'chuk gobsmacked by losing therefore cheating must be involved on the other side, and the chump/fall guy in the middle - ME.

If I go down for this, as I believe I will, I at least wanted a 'sexed up' rap sheet worthy of a DOOL storyline.

was there a grave accident involving a time machine and a faulty contraceptive?

Well there was that final episode of The Colbys where Fallon was abducted by aliens...so anything's possible...in theory...

I of course retract my last testimony as it was sheer fantasy...I must have woken up from a bad dream, 'chuk got out of the shower and I realised he wasn't Patrick Duffy...or something like that.

My previous testimony stands. I expect to go down for this. I just hope not to be holed up in the same cell as 'Mad Rock McMad', the winner of this year's Mr Madman competition.

[Arbiter]

Very well, I believe I have heard enough.  Let's make an end to this nonsense.  To summarize once more:

Custardchuk has accused Mr. Burley of cheating in the MotBB tournament by:
1) Exploiting ScissorSista's position on the RPSOZ staff (whether opportunistic or premeditated remains unspecified) to spy on Custardchuk and appropriate his strategy for the tournament.
2) Using that information to illegally defeat Custardchuk in the MotBB tournament.

The principal evidence includes:
1) ScissorSista's testimony
2) Partial transcripts between Mr. Burley and ScissorSista, verified by her testimony

Given ScissorSista's vascillating testimony and admitted perjuries, the value of her word in this forum is nil.  Whether she is lying now, or was lying in a contradictory post, is uncertain.  Possibly she has lied from start to finish in one way or another.  Either way, the veracity of any statement she might have made has been completely obscured by her efforts to protect or promote herself.  When we strip the evidence provided by ScissorSista from the record, we are left with . . . nothing.

Mr. Burley's soap-opera defense, while entertaining and elaborate, is nothing but mere conjecture supported, again, by nothing.  But, as the accused in these proceedings, the burden of proof does not rest upon his shoulders.

Lurking beneath the drivel in this case is the question of how Mr. Burley could have possibly used Custardchuk's strategy information to cheat.  The RPS Analyzer is, according to Mr. Burley, little more than a statistical aide.  That it could be more than that is possible.  However, as no one has offered evidence that computer assistance was prohibited from the tournament, the Analyzer, whatever its function, is perfectly legal.  Custardchuk claimed at one point that Mr. Burley knew what he, that is Custardchuk, was going to throw.  This would account for the long successful streak that Custardchuk found so unlikely.  But it leaves numerous other questions.  Such as, how could Mr. Burley know what Custardchuk was going to throw, other than normal strategic reasoning and player profiling?  Did Custardchuk write down a list of throws which ScissorSista stole?  Why then, when it was apparent that his strategy was not working, would Custardchuk continue on the same path?  Or did he also write down his alternate strategies and leave them stored in the same location?  Sooner or later, especially given the long streak without a win, Custardchuk should have realized something was amiss and shifted gears.  That he did not, or could not, suggests a normal victory of strategy over strategy rather than something underhanded.  In short, Custardchuk, the long run without a win testifies against you rather than for you.

This case is too convoluted for me to embrace a particular sequence of events with any certainty.  Clearly, Custardchuk has been the victim of deceit and underhanded dealings, whether by Mr. Burley or ScissorSista or both I cannot say.  However, it is my considered opinion that, repulsive though such actions may be, they were not in any way in violation of the rules of the MotBB tournament.  There was no cheating.

I expect this matter to be put to rest.  There shall be no further attempts to rouse public sympathy, no more needling of one another, no more muttered under-the-breath accusations of cheating.  The case is closed.  Let it remain so.

[martinburley]

Arbiter, I applaud your judgment and I'm glad to see you found me innocent of the charge of cheating.  Thanks again for agreeing to arbitrate this matter (and kudos to Master Rosh for inviting you to do so).

I agree with your closing sentiments, and I certainly won't needle custardchuk about this case any more. (I reserve the right to needle him about unrelated stuff. )

To ScissorSista and the other witnesses, thanks for taking the time to testify.

To 'chuk, no hard feelings, mate. You'll get your chance against me again.

To everyone else, the infamous RPS Analyser 2007 is still freely available... message me with your email address if you want it...

Okay, I'm off to celebrate. Cheers all!

[custardchuk]

Martin,

I applaud your judgment and I'm glad to see you found me innocent of the charge of cheating

I think we can say that Arbiter has adjudged that I was unable to prove that you cheated. Semantic, maybe. However I did agree to abide by Arbiter's judgement, (only regards this forum, mind you) and I will.

I, too, thank everyone for their (largely ignored), testimonies. It has been a long and difficult trial and I, for one, think it's time we all got back to work. That includes you, Arbiter.

All that remains is for me to congratulate Martin on the result.

Congratulations, Burley. Have your stupid MOtBB title.

custardchuk

[custardchuk]

All that remains is for me to congratulate Martin on the result.

Oh, and to cut a certain trophy polisher loose.
(New applications are being accepted as of now. Just contact the RPSOZ office. Please include a photograph with your application.)

regards
custardchuk

[Jef Hallestone]

Can we please leave my Mom outta this. It was hard enough dealing with their relationship.

[srn347]

If custardchuk and martinburley are having some sort of argument or fight, I will have to side with martin(and against custardchuk) on this one(partially though, I would have to know the context of the fight to side with him completely) as a reciprocation to this. Martin defended me(not that you didn't rosh, I know your defense was the one that saved me) and chukcustard insulted rosh and myself.

[Franklint]

srn, this topic ended over a year ago, and the matter was resolved. Really, why dig it up?

Also, generally when choosing who to side with in an argument, one decides based on the opinions rather than the people involved.

Cheers,
Franklint

[srn347]

I didn't even know what the fight was about which is why I said I half-side with martin. And when police arrest someone, do you think the judge will sentence an elusive hard-to-catch criminal who was wanted for many crimes but served time for all of them then committed another crime to 2 years or 40 years? Likewise, do you think a first offense of running a stop sign will warrent a ticket of $200, or $10,000 and 2 years in jail? The people involved do matter.

Welcome, seekers

srn347

[custardchuk]

srn, this topic ended over a year ago, and the matter was resolved.

Uh huh.
Let's just say we both know where we stand.