custardchuk vs martinburley

[martinburley]

So to call Martin a 'sycophantic pedant' is less an insult and more a statement of fact. I expect Martin will probably agree with me on this.

Afraid not, 'chuk. You see, my calling Arbiter 'Your Honour' wasn't out of self-serving sycophany. It was simply out of a healthy aversion to being poked by polearms. Stout John seems like a zealous enforcer of proper procedure, and "Avoid sharp sticks" is a motto that's served me well so far in life, so I decided to err on the side of over-politeness until the appropriate etiquette was clarified.

As far as the 'pedant' tag goes, I admit that I can be pedantic on occasion. On the other hand, that's no bad thing at times. For example, Arbiter said earlier,

Finally, as of now, all comments, japes, and sniping on this topic is to be limited to this conversational thread.

Now, call me pedantic, but it seems that your comment on the 'URGENT: Psychology Study' thread today might possibly fall into the category of 'sniping'?

Rosh wrote:

How are your chances of attending the 2007 International World Championship?  I'll be there, as will custardchuk, C. Urbanus, the Saint, the Midnight Rider, and many others.

Really, the only thing we hold against you is the fact that you've never made it to Toronto.

Nice to see you are maintaining your impartiality, Rosh. Maybe we should ask OJ, Charlie Manson, Hinkley etc.

chuk

[martinburley]

In the meantime, Martin may wish to discuss with you 'his' accusation, thus far unmentioned in this thread, regarding experienced legends of the game, myself included.
 

The most tragic form of PPP, though, is acute PPP. With acute PPP, a sudden shock to the player's system causes immediate, full-blown PPP.... In the vast majority of cases, the shock is psychological, such as a crushing defeat to a lesser-ranked player....Unable to deny the fact of the defeat, but unwilling to face its consequences, to ....in the end he is most likely to be found on a street corner or in the corner of a bar, ...

...the gist of which is any great player who suffers a defeat at the hands of lowly ranked player in a major tournament, let's say Burley or Hallestone for example, will inevitably become delusional and lose his or her marbles.

Again, call me pedantic, but what I actually said was:

...the more eloquent players often develop successful post-playing careers...
Other players turn their hand to coaching...
And more than a few old players carve out niches around the fringes of the game...
But for some players, their fate is far crueller...
There are two forms of PPP, chronic and acute. Chronic PPP is the most common...
The most tragic form of PPP, though, is acute PPP... With acute PPP... the shock is psychological, such as a crushing defeat to a lesser-ranked player.

Does this sound like I'm saying "any great player who suffers a defeat at the hands of lowly ranked player in a major tournament... will inevitably become delusional"?

I know you know all this, though, 'chuk, so I'm not sure why I'm even bothering to clarify it. (Must be that pedantic streak of mine. ) I'm confident that Arbiter himself won't be fooled by this none-too-subtle attempt to bias him against me by implying that I'm implying that he lost his marbles after losing to Jef in the 2004 MotBB semi-finals.

[custardchuk]

Which all goes to prove my point. Martin is pedantic, as he concedes and.....

I'm confident that Arbiter himself won't be fooled ...after losing to Jef in the 2004 MotBB semi-finals.

....sycophantic.

I think he is shameless, also, to bring that up the 2004 MOtBB. Don't underestimate the depths this guy will go. I did.

As for his sniping allegation, I think that my sniping, if you want want to call it that, was directed at Roshambollah, not Martin. My problem is not that you, Martin, are shameless, sycophantic, pedantic and, arguably, a cheat. It is that Roshambollah is lacking perspicuity.

Once again you turn it around to being about you.

How about you butt out for a while and give me a chance to make my opening statements? I let you make yours.

custardchuk

[Malice in Wonderland]

I'm confident that Arbiter himself won't be fooled by this none-too-subtle attempt to bias him against me by implying that I'm implying that he lost his marbles after losing to Jef in the 2004 MotBB semi-finals.

We at the [shape] of [negative quality] will not tolerate any contumeliousness towards Jef (with one 'f'). We threaten all those who beseech to undervalue Jef's talents [excepting the Mellow Yellow incident, obviously].

Everyone's constant put downs of Jef, they annoy Jef, and hence annoy this axis of existential evil.

There are plenty of ways to portray Jef, satirically - for political effect, rhetorically - quoting his dufousness back to him, and of course any comments on soft drinks. These all lie within the bounds of poor taste and uncommon sense. These urges to cast aspersions upon Jef must be stopped, once and for all. This would be a good time to meditate on the pure malevolent power of the [shape] of [negative quality].

I want to make something very clear here. I support free speech and in no way am I calling for censorship. I'm simply pointing out that all those who diss Jef...your days are indisputably numbered. (That includes you Mr Hagherty). This warning should not be ignored.


The [shape] of [negative quality] unite against you.

Be afraid, be very afraid...[/size]

[Arbiter]

Again, I will attempt to address issues in no particular order.

Rosh, polearms were, at the peak of their military significance, most often used in mass formations in the field, yes.  However, they were also very often carried at parade and in all manner of official ceremonies, much like the useless nine-foot bearing swords.  Some became more symbolic than military as they grew elaborately decorated and borderline foppish.  The Trident of Office is of that ilk.  Other types of polearms, notable the pollax class, which category includes the bec du corbin and so-called lucerne hammer as well, were short-hafted and are most often shown in Medieval fechtbuchen gripped in the middle, making them very much close-quarter weapons.

Regarding the title "Your Honour" with which martinburley addressed me in his opening remarks, I do not believe it was a deliberate ploy.  As I had not yet made my status clear and explicitly chosen an appropriate form of address, it is only fair to assume that mr. burley, with nothing else to go on, decided to err on the side of formality.  The mistake is a non-issue and the matter is now closed.  Custardchuk, as your time extension is a courtesy, you are in no position to object to similar grace extended to others, lest you consider fighting me on this point.

These proceedings will progress in three stages, following which if I require any additional information, I will make that known.

1) Opening Remarks
These are to establish the nature of the dispute and lay both positions on the table.

2) Witnesses and Material Evidence
Once I have read all opening remarks, each party will have the opportunity to present material evidence and call witnesses who may, at their own discression and without coaching from either party, post their remarks in this forum.  Character witnesses will not be permitted.  All testimony must be germane to the dispute at hand.

3) Rebuttal
Each party will then have the opportunity to counter the arguments set forth by the other party and any witnesses for the opposition.  This will be done as a single post rather than a drawn out back-and-forth debate.

I will annouce the beginning of each phase.  As I have stated, if I require additional comments following what I have outlined here, I will announce as much later.

[custardchuk]

Custardchuk, as your time extension is a courtesy, you are in no position to object to similar grace extended to others, lest you consider fighting me on this point.

My extension is requested because I have insufficent time to compile my opening remarks AND supervise the RPSOZ Bad Kids Inititiave that commenced on Monday and finishes on Friday night with a rps playoff for lighter sentences. Every hour I spend fighting the sycophantic pendant is another kid that may not get another chance.

Martin's grace is for something altogether different. That is, at best, lazy research.

Anyway, I will drop it in the interests of this hearing. I will have my opening remarks ready by the date as decreed.

I note that no character witnesses will be allowed. This surely has to be in Martin's favour. Again though I will surrender to the inquiry, in the interest of the inquiry.

That doesn't mean I have to like it.

regards
custardchuk

[Brad Fox]

I can't express how nice it is to see Arbiter intervening in this sticky matter... especially so as I'm sitting on the beach, far, far, away from WRPS HQ. My mandatory vacation time may be unpaid, but the society stocks a truly impressive dossier of "vacation resorts" in struggling economies with extremely lax liquor control laws.

Always good to see John as well. We may have had some minor squabbles over the years over what exactly constitutes an "official warning" - but the man can deliver an effective smackdown... I'll give him that.

[Arbiter]

Custardchuk, if you can make a strong enough case why character witnesses should be allowed, I am willing to consider it.  My chief concern is preventing these proceedings from degenerating into a tag-team free-for-all.

[martinburley]

Arbiter, if custardchuk wants to call on character witnesses, I'm fine with that.   

As long as their statements are at least tangentially relevant to the matter at hand, though. We're not here just to listen to a string of 'chuk's old RPS drinking buddies gurgle on about how, "'Chuk's alright, mate... I remember he did me a good turn back in '73; the barmaid, ol' Sally I think it was, cor, she didn't half have a good pair of - anyway, she told me I was too drunk already to have any more, I mean me, I'd only had a few dozen stubbies at the barbie that day, it's not like I was wossled as a wombat, well, not really, like... but yeah, that's when chukkie helped me out, 'coz he got another pitcher o' beer fer me. Yeah, he's a mate, 'chuk is."

[custardchuk]

I have no case.

Losing to Martin hurt and I looked for excuses.

Sure it was a thousand to one game. Sure he talked to my staff daily. Sure he messed with an innocent girl. Sure he is a sychophantic pedantic.

But I'm pretty sure I lost. I just look at the scoreboard.

Rps is more than just three throws. It is life itself echoed in those throws. Martin has proven he is smart enough, bad enough, good enough, sneaky enough and tough enough to take my crown.

I am proud to pass it so worthy a competitor.

Martin will learn, as I have, that it is a heavy crown and, as the fingers loosen for me, he may well feel them tighten around his neck. Nothing will be as it seems.

I thank Arbiter for returning to the board to arbitrate this matter and I apologise to him, Roshambollah and Martin for the trouble I've caused by flogging my dead horse.

regards
custardchuk

[Master Roshambollah]

You have got to be kidding me, custardchuk.  I got to all the trouble to get Arbiter flown in, and now you up and call it quits?  Now that's what I call a punch out ending.  I can hear Stout John in the background, oiling and sharpening some hideous looking skull splitter; I guess his time's been wasted too.  I'll tell you this, chuk, RPSOZ will bear the FULL expense of this boondoggle, including Arbiter's travel fees, hotel accomodations, and food (you have no idea how hard it is for him to find a restaurant, owing to his allergies.)

Point of order:  neither the plaintiff nor the defendent can dismiss a case.  Only the judge may do that.  For all intents and purposes, it seems that custardchuk's offense has rested.  If there are no further rebuttals by Martin, I move that the court take time to consider a just outcome in this case, and make whatever decision is necessary, including restitution.  It should be remembered that chuk initially called not only for Martin's loss of the MotBB crown, but for his removal from the Society.

Arb, nice having you back, even if just for a little while.  You honor us with your presence.  Still, isn't absence what becomes a "Bull Board Legend" most?  Your creative use of negative space is a constant source of inspiration.

Towards the void!

[martinburley]

I smell something. And for once it's not just the 'Thunder from Down Under'. What's custardchuk up to?

His statement is ambiguous. No simple, straightforward "Martin did not cheat." It's not hard, 'chuk, four little words would spell it out clearly for all to read. You owe me that much.

In fact, reading between his words, it seems he's still implying I won by underhand methods. So why has he given up on trying to prove it? I see three possibilities:

(a) Maybe he's just too lazy to argue his case, or too busy with RPSOZ booze-ups business.

(b) If his "I am proud to pass it so worthy a competitor" isn't sarcastic, and he does still believe I cheated, then what he's saying is he thinks it's okay that I cheated to win, because I got away with it.

(c) He's trying to lure me into attempting to prove I didn't cheat. Hoping I'll get tangled in nuances and tie myself in knots trying to prove a negative. Hoping for a display of defensiveness, pedantry and ego that'll turn the spectators away from me, leaving them thinking he's the victim, whatever the verdict.

If it's (a), I agree with Rosh, custardchuk's head might soon be making the acquaintance of Stout John's stick.
If it's (b), I wonder what the Society will have to say about that - one of their foremost members publicly condoning cheating in RPS?

My guess is it's (c). He's thrown a passive Paper, hoping I'll be foolish enough to hit back with Rock.

I'm not going to take the bait. If he's truly decided to present no evidence against me, then I have no need to defend myself. So if 'chuk's rested his case, I rest my defense on the fact that if I'd cheated in any way whatsoever, custardchuk's wily mind and various connections would have found some evidence to back him up.

There's only one other point that I'd like to make. While it's tangential to the case against me, it's far from irrelevant:

Sure he talked to my staff daily.

Since ScissorSista was on custardchuk's staff all along, I'm wondering what to make of his post on Feb 11:

Also Scissorsista has pm ed me and offered to host the tournament. It's up to you but it allows a similar format to the last MOBB. She says she can deal with slackers if she has to. I tend to believe her.

At the time, Rosh turned down this offer, still suspecting ScissorSista to be the alter ego of another Bullboarder, probably custardchuk. That could well have been the right decision for the wrong reasons. Rosh's intuition guided him well. Why would 'chuk want the 2007 MotBB tournament to be run by his direct subordinate at RPSOZ, especially when this close relationship between the two wasn't known to any of the other competitors at the time?

I believe the Society should ask custardchuk to explain this suspicious situation. The worst he's claimed against me is that I cheated in the final, whereas if he'd succeeded in having ScissorSista in charge of the tournament, that could potentially have compromised the whole tournament.

[ScissorSista]

After such a huge media-frenzied build up, I am as disappointed as everyone else at the sudden change of heart of chuk.

It may just be coincidence but it would seem he lost interest at the same time as Ian Thorpe appeared on TV refuting his drug test scandal....

Maybe Ian's constant whingeing that "I'm innocent..." blah, blah, blah... reminded him of Martin.

Or perhaps he knew he would soon be getting an über-hangover.

Anyway as the bongo players and tympani ensemble are having a jamming session in my brain I'll make this quick.
a) RPSOZ will pick up the tab.
b) custardchuk and martinburley will, at some point to be determined, have a face-to-face grudge match.
c) Arbiter, please stay a while...we need a legend who can counteract/give light relief to the postings of Rosh and custardchuk.


As for the 'RPS playboy', I, as others, can confirm he is a worthy competitor. You just can't get a handle on the little *!#*?...
but I had a great game with Martin, and nobody cheated.

Well played, ScissorSista. I lost as many throws to you as I lost during the whole of the Masters tournament!

Why did I do so well??? 1)...I ignored everything custardchuk said and 2)...played my game my way.

[Arbiter]

Well, this is highly irregular.

Mr. Burley, there is no call to speculate on custardchuk's motives.  He chose not to supply a statement of his case, opting instead to withdraw his accusation.  His comment "I'm pretty sure I lost" is, in my opinion, sufficient retraction of his cheating accusation against you.  That, then, is settled.  Please do not harangue custardchuk or needle him for specific words of your choosing.  That is petty.

If, however, you wish to submit a grievance of your own (not a penalty, mind you, but a legitimate complaint requiring redress), you may do so formally in this forum and I will consider it as part of this arbitration.  If not, then it would appear that you have one all of your points and it is time to drop the matter.

Custardchuk, it is a rare thing to acknowledge one's mistakes and publicly admit them.  If it took you some time to come to this point, that is regrettable but I do not fault you for it.  The time of those involved in these proceedings is not wasted because you chose to act with virtue rather than continuing in anger.  Well done.

[martinburley]

Arbiter, I've been dragged through the wringer in the past few weeks, having to divert my focus from my personal training schedule and RPSNZ's 'Young Kiwis' RPS coaching initiative at the most inopportune time, with the NZ Championship heats only weeks away. I've had to field off various story-hungry journalists seeking blood. In this light, my initial suspicion of custardchuk's statement is understandable, though I apologise for it.

I accept custardchuk's comment that, "Rps is more than just three throws. It is life itself echoed in those throws. Martin has proven he is smart enough, bad enough, good enough, sneaky enough and tough enough to take my crown. I am proud to pass it so worthy a competitor." I'm glad that the charges against me have been settled fairly and publicly.   

I do feel that, given that custardchuk's dropped his claims about me, ScissorSista should donate the fees she received from the RPS Chronicle for those ''kiss-and-tell' exclusives' to an RPS-related charity (I suggest the Young Kiwis RPS Training Programme), but I won't push the matter... I'm sure she will do what she thinks is right.

Thanks once again for your fine handling of the proceedings.

martinburley