JUST BREAKING: Roshambollah out of retirement!

[RPS Affairs]

JUST BREAKING: Roshambollah out of retirement!

Those members without their noses to the ground like their favourite news resource may well have missed the goings-on on the tournament page of a recent Red Bull Roshambull tournament.

The Roshambull World Series features a set of 19 tournaments, staged in different cities around the globe. At leg 16 of 19, some amazing news has come to light.

Veteran world champion RPS player Master Roshambollah has, thanks to the favourable result of a former student in a match between the two, agreed to come out of retirement sometime in 2009 and grace the RPS world with his practical skill once again. You can read the posts about the issue here: http://apps.facebook.com/redbullroshambull/tournaments/details.php?tid=10598, or for the lazy ones, a summary is provided below.

Before the commencement of a crucial match in leg 16 of the World Series, Roshambollah revealed that he would up the stakes of the match to include, in the event of a loss by him,
1) his emergence from retirement as a professional player in 2009 and
2) the crowning of his former apprentice as an Expert RPS Player. The terms were accepted by the youth, and the match began. While all involved expected a heated and lengthy battle, due to logistical issues, Roshambollah was unable to make even a single throw, resulting in a default win by the trainee. As the media lathered on the controversy by the bucketload, the player known as Franklint began to experience second thoughts about his forfeit win. Bravely holding true to his morals and integrity, he rejected the result of the match and demanded it be replayed.

However, in an unexpected act of honour, Master Roshambollah, in turn, rejected the rematch, instead conceding defeat and acknowledging the results of the original throwdown. Accepting his own terms, he agreed to come out of retirement and grant his Journeyman the status of Expert RPS Player. Much celebration was had. As per age-old folklore, the status of Expert enables the posesser to officially take on students of his or her own to further the life cycle of the sport, and the new Expert has already jumped on the chance, announcing an upcoming application system through which he will select his own apprentices.

Debatedly even more important than the crowning of a new Expert is the news that the veritable Master will return to professional play after years away from the sport. As of yet, no specific details have been mentioned, although it is a distinct possibility that Roshambollah will emerge either at the annual Roshambo Winery tournament, or at a Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series event. Keep your eyes peeled. The RPS Affairs team will keep this thread updated with all the latest. Because we're much better than those RPS News Service twats.

RPS Affairs wishes both players all the best for their future endeavours.

--reporter Pill Wridmore for RPS Affairs.

[Master Roshambollah]

Nonsense.  "RPS Affairs" is taking my comments out of context.  The sections mentioned in their "report" (including, but not limited to, my announcement to "come out of retirement") were intended as satire.  I was being facetious.  One drawback of the online written word is that subtle shades of meaning are not always carried over (especially when taken out of context by uninvolved third parties.)

Not to mention that the terms of the bet (had I not been engaging in satire) were only enforceable if Franklint were to win the match.  As it was, I forfeited without making a single throw.  No throw, no match. The whole thing was a joke. 

I would like to thank "RPS Affairs" for breaking this story prematurely, however (note: the previous statement includes sarcasm.)  By doing so, they have no doubt taken the steam out of any real emergence from retirement I might have been planning.  I would not be surprised if somewhere, somehow, Graham Walker is behind the whole thing...

[Franklint]

Excuse me if, you know, one of the subjects of the report chimes in here.

I'm undecided on the whole issue. While I have, as any respectable RPS player would, taken many of Rosh's comments on face value for personal gain (see the newest addition to my signature), it is true that any intended satirical tones may have been accidentally excluded from the communications.

I will say, however, that I did win the match. This is non-negotiable. Since when is the presence of a throw a requirement of a win/loss scenario? To diffuse any chance of whipping out some segment from the rulebook supporting this claim, by the rules of Red Bull Roshambull, the medium used to play the game, a forfeit situation is just as valid as that of one throw beating another.

One final, sufficiently scathing, comment (and note the care taken to point out that the following is sarcasm): What, Rosh, wriggling his way out of commitment? Nooooooooo.

[Stu Vessant]

Man up, Rosh.

[Master Roshambollah]

I always honor my commitments, you ungrateful whelp.  Name one example of my "wriggling my way out of commitment."  Just one.  You can't. 

I think you're just making something up so you'll have something to talk about.  Sounds like you've been studying with custardchuk.

[Franklint]

I always honor my commitments, you ungrateful whelp. Name one example of my "wriggling my way out of commitment."  Just one.  You can't.

Rosh, you've been around here long enough to recognise an unsubstantiated insult when you see one. Sheesh.